Unwilling |Heart|

I brush my teeth..

Finish all my evening rituals

Turn off the lights and lay down trying to rest but my heart is unwilling to do so…

Unwilling to feel a purpose of all the beautiful things I have…

My mind and conscious knows for sure that I’m love and love will unfold from the inside…

I’m the one who will create a purpose of my life, a purpose that I actually can feel it praying inside my veins through my organs and my spirit…

I close my eyes…

Holding a pillow tightly…

Sinking into an ocean filled with raving thoughts…

Reminiscing other lives I could have lived and a willing heart

I lose conscious to sleep

Leave it in the ocean to float..

– Your writings… exquisite imagery, you should write more

—  I use too, then I had an emotional/mental breakdown

– I’m sorry to hear that

— I deleted all my social media accounts and my blog.. but now I’m opening a new chapter

– Only a better reason to start over

— Exactly..

– Breakdowns make writers, I’ve had so many blogs over the years, I used to delete.. but now I just leave them online to oblivion…

like when you write a message in a bottle and leave it in the ocean to float..  You should try it one day

—   I will indeed, someday… Have you ever tried it?

Streets’ Lights

Looking at streets’ lights when I’m driving remind me of how lonely my soul is..

How lonelier it will be with time..

And how heavier my heart will get while resting on my lungs…

I don’t know exactly why, maybe because of the notion that many people passed beside these streets’ lights, with their untold and unsolved stories and journeys in life..

lights

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 لا أعرفك
ولم تدور بيننا حوارات
ولكن عندما علمت بوفاتك خيمت على قلبي سحابة ثقيلة
توقف الزمن
اغلقت باب غرفتي وبكيت
بكيت اتصال لم يحصل وحوار لم يبدء
بكيت قصص سمعتها عنك
ملامح سرقتها مرات اثناء مروري من امامك
ومشاعر لم تبدأ
تذكرتي جدتي وألم فراقها
تذكرت ذنوبي في حق من أحببتهم
مر على خاطري لطفك ونورك
فأنت من أهل الرفيق الأعلى